Making the Video
by Candy
Summary: ANOTHER MUSIC VIDEO! The GW girls are at it again! Catherine's drunk! Relena is falling on top of Heero! Hilde is getting a beat down from Duo's braid! Dorothy thinks Relena is an addict! Sally kisses Wufei! I cant describe this insanity R&R please?
1. Default Chapter Title

AN:

Candy: (Unlocks the cage where she keeps the GW characters) GUYS WAKE UP! FIC TIME!!!

Duo: (Mumbling in sleep) No… no…

Wufei: (Screaming, awake and in horror) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Candy: Yes. And if you're good you know what that means!

Duo: (Suddenly awake) COOKIES!

Candy: Yup and a pat on the head too!!!

Trowa: Goody?

Heero: Candy, I'm gunna kill you.

Candy: (Pats a seething Heero) Oh no you wont… then who would make cookies, and support you and Relena?

Heero: Shut up.

Candy: (Turns to viewers) Hey everyone! I'm doing another Music Video! Maybe I should turn this into a series? (Ponders) YES OK! FROM NOW ON! My GW Music video's will be called:

MAKING THE VIDEO EPISODE: (Insert # of episode here): (Insert Video Title Here)

That makes this the first official episode!!!!!!! (Places Party hats on everyone's head, and a noise maker in Duo's hand)

Duo: NOISE MAKER! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! (Runs around shaking the noise maker)

Candy: ANYWAY! ENJOY!

Disclaimer: GW does not belong to me. And "Candy" Belongs to (Shudder) Mandy Moore… know what I don't even like Madny Moore! Why am I doing a songfic to her song?

Trowa: Cuz It has your name in the title?

Candy: No… I guess it has a good beat to it… but next MTV I'm not doing any pop… I can't take any more of it.

Trowa: … K?

MAKING THE VIDEO: EPISODE 1: CANDY

The camera pans through a diner. All the people inside are frozen doing various activities. A young waitress is frozen taking an order, her hand about to scribble something down. The camera pans over to an old man, frozen turning a page in his SANK KINGDOM TIMES. The camera pans yet again to a young couple in a private booth. The girl is sitting across from the boy, her head back, and a cherry dangling in air right above her open mouth, her eyes shut. The boy has his lower lip bit and a blush stained across his cheeks.

The music starts, as the camera pans around finally to a large booth where we see five young girls sitting: all frozen talking to each other. The camera zooms in on the girls. It turns out to be Relena, Dorothy, Hilde, Sally, and Catherine. 

Catherine is on the far right, glaring at Hilde. Her hair is in it's usual style minus the feather. She's frozen half sitting, half standing as she glares at Hilde. She is wearing a green, long sleeved, shirt that says QT across the center in pink with a picture of a bunny under it, and Boot-cut blue jeans. Her star earrings are replaced with big silver hoops, and on her neck is a silver ball chain necklace.

Hilde is frozen, sitting on the right of Relena and the left of Catherine, who she is cowering back from. She has on a baby blue tank top, with the words: BILLABONG written in dark blue and white, surrounded by hibiscus's on it. She has Khaki flares on. She has on a ROXY Hula girl watch, and a black and blue beaded choker. Her hair is in the normal style as well.

Sally is sitting on the far left, frozen rolling her eyes at Hilde and Catherine. Her hair is in the usual style as well. She's wearing a red tube top and clear Baby-G watch. She has on navy blue draw string parachute pants. 

Dorothy is sitting on the left of Relena, frozen with her head in her hands glancing at Hilde and Catherine. Her hair is down completely, and her eyebrows are dyed! She has on a yellow halter-top that says in orange writing: CHICKY with a picture of a little chickadee on a skate board. She's wearing some blue drawstring cargo jeans. 

Relena is sitting in the middle, her hair down, and bangs parted in the center. She as on a tight black v-neck tee shirt with the words: ROXY SURF in white across the bust line. She has on khaki drawstring cargo capri pants (trust me they kick ass). She's frozen with her chin is resting in her hands, and her eyes are staring off dreamily into space. 

Suddenly the girls all unfreeze. Catherine smacks Hilde over the head.

Hilde: OW DAMNIT! THAT HURT!

Catherine: I AM NOT GOING OUT WITH TROWA! HE'S MY BROTHER!!!

Hilde: Fine you're NOT going out with Trowa!

Catherine: THANK YOU!

Sally: (Smirks) Yeah you just like grinding with him at the clubs.

Catherine: (Seething) SHUT UP YOU… 

Dorothy: JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!

Relena: Guys… the fic.

All: Oh yeah.

All the girls look at the camera, smirking, as a bumping beat sound echoes 3 times.

Relena stands up and gives a seductive gaze to the camera.

Relena: Give it to me.

All the other girls stand up and walk out of the booth to the beat, passing by the still frozen people in the diner. They walk out into the parking lot and pile into Relena's Silver VW Beatle with black interior. Relena gets in the drivers seat. The camera pans around to her side, and she looks at it before, taking off. 

All: Ooh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The girls drive down a suburban road at about 30 mph, singing as they drive.

All: Ooh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The camera zooms in on Hilde who is in the shot-gun seat. She looks at the camera, winks and gives a "V is for victory" sign.

Hilde: Now give it to me.

The camera cuts to Relena who has her eyes on the road.

Relena: I'm so committed to the loving that you're feeding to me.

Dorothy: (Who's sitting in the "Bitchin" seat, the one in the middle of the backseats) Heh heh… Relena's an addict.

Sally: Dorothy, shut up.

Catherine: Heh Heh… addict… that's a funny word.

Sally: Catherine? You didn't get any booz at the diner, did you?

Catherine: ADD-ICT!

Dorothy: (sweat drop)

Sally: RELENA PULL OVER!!!! I THINK CATHERINE IS DRUNK!

Relena and Hilde: WHAT??

Catherine: (Singing drunkenly) DANCING QUEEN! YOUNG AND SWEET ONLY 17! 

Relena: (pulls over the car and gets out.) CANDY WHAT THE HECK!!!

Candy: Oh god what now?

Relena, Sally, Dorothy, and Hilde: (Point over at Catherine who are drunkenly singing Dancing Queen) THAT!

Candy: Oh goodnes… (walks over to Catherine) What did you order at the diner?

Catherine: I- (hiccup) I gots so-(hiccup) some RUM CAKE! (giggles madly)

Candy: Oh God. (Shakes head) Ok… guys, 1 hour break! Dorothy, Relena? Start a cold shower for her, k?

Both: K.

Candy: Come on Catherine… time for a shower.

Catherine: (Dances around) BUT I'M THE DANCING QUEEN!!!!!!!!! 

Candy: (Sweat Drop) CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE 2 (1 hour later)

All the other girls stand up and walk out of the booth to the beat, passing by the still frozen people in the diner. They walk out into the parking lot and pile into Relena's Silver VW Beatle with black interior. Relena gets in the drivers seat. The camera pans around to her side, and she looks at it before, taking off. 

All: Ooh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The girls drive down a suburban road at about 30 mph, singing as they drive.

All: Ooh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The camera zooms in on Hilde who is in the shot-gun seat. She looks at the camera, winks and gives a "V is for victory" sign.

Hilde: Now give it to me.

The camera cuts to Relena who has her eyes on the road. She turns to the camera and sings.

Relena: I'm so committed to the loving that you're feeding to me.

Hilde screams as Relena, who wasn't watching where she was going, drives up on a curb then swerves to the right, narrowly avoiding a tree. She sweat drops.

Camera zooms to the backseat. Catherine's hair is damp, and she's rubbing her temples with her fingers, muttering about rum cake and alcohol tolerance. Dorothy glances at her nervously then back at the camera with a big smile, and sings. 

Dorothy: Can't do without it,

Sally pushes her head right next to Dorothy's to get in the camera shot to sing her part with Dorothy. They bump heads and wail.

Sally and Dorothy: (In pain) This feeling's got me weak in the knees.

Both look over expectantly to Catherine, who is now snoring and drooling on the interior. They shake their heads, and Hilde comes to the rescue, singing the three part harmony.

Hilde, Sally, and Dorothy: Body's in withdrawal every time you take it away,

The car screeches to a stop in front of a nice blue and white ranch house. The girls, minus Catherine, who is dragged out by Sally, hop out of the car and run over to an open window. 

The camera cuts to the interior of the house. There sits: Heero, wearing khaki cargo shorts and a white beater. Duo, wearing a black tee shirt with the words: LIMP BIZKIT on it, and baggy jeans. Quatre, wearing a dark blue, long sleeved Abercrombie & Fitch shirt with Khakis. Trowa, wearing a green beater with dark blue jeans. And Wufei, wearing a white shirt from AE with the Number 3 on it and khaki cargo pants. 

All the girls (Even the now revived Catherine): (Voice Over) Can't you hear me calling you? Begging you to come out and play!

Heero: (Sighs) How could I not hear Relena? "HEEEEEEEEEEEEERO! HEEEEEEEEEEEEERO! I'M WAITING FOR YOU HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO!"

Duo: Ha Ha! Should we go out?

Quatre: Well we'll see our girlfriends.

Wufei: (Glaring at Quatre) Women are weak.

Trowa: We'll have to if we want Candy's cookies.

All: (Collective sigh) The things we do for cookies.

All the GW boys climb out the window and face a line consisting of their girlfriends.

Trowa: NOT ME! 

Candy: Trowa not again.

Trowa: STOP SETTING ME UP WITH HER! WHAT ABOUT THAT JEWEL CHICK! FROM FIGGY'S STORY!?

Candy: Not my character.

Trowa: (Slaps forehead)

Candy: Side's it's an AU fic… YOU'RE NOT RELATED!

Trowa: (Growls) I will get you back, you know.

Candy: Uh huh… sure you will.

All the boys face the girls and the girls start doing a dance. The boys have different reactions.

Heero doesn't do a thing, but glares at Relena, then at Candy, then back at Relena… trying his hardest to conceal the mischief in his eyes.

Trowa glares at Candy, and grinds his teeth.

Duo tries to run forward at Hilde, with dirty naughty thoughts in his head, but finds something is holding him back.

Wufei smiles evilly as he feels a satisfying jerk on the thick braid he's holding, followed by a satisfying thud on the ground as he drops it. 

Quatre faints.

All the Girls: So baby, come to me, baby, show me who you are. Sweet to me; like sugar to my heart. Ooh baby, I'm craving for you.

Relena takes a steps forward and points a finger on Heero's chest.

Relena: I'm missing you like candy.

Heero: (Gulps)

The scene changes to a carnival. It's now night, and the carnival lights blink all around. The camera pans around the carnival, then zooms in on a female figure sitting sideways on a Merry-Go-Round horse, with a male figure standing behind it, with his arms around her waist. Turns out, the figures are Catherine and Trowa. Trowa is looking distressed, and tries to unwrap his arms, but Catherine grabs his hands and smiles HUGE at the camera. Trowa gives her a look. She mouths "Cookies" to him. He nods and puts on the same HUGE smile… and this is TROWA so it's scary!

Catherine: Sweet, sweet loving, got me got me going to the extreme.

Camera zooms over to the Tilt-A-Whirl ride, where Duo and Hilde are. Their car spins by. We see Duo has his arm around her shoulders, and they lean into eachother as the ride spins WICKED fast. Both of their eyes are squenched shut and they have big, yet genuine smiles on their face… at least until Duo's braid smacks Hilde in the face after a sharp turn.

Hilde: DUO NO BAKA!

Duo: AH HILDE! THE VIDEO NOW! POUNDING LATER!

The car comes by again. We see the two in the same position, but Hilde has a red streak across her face, and Duo has a bump on his head. Hilde looks at the camera and smiles.

Hilde: Won't go without it, this vibe has got a hold on me!

The car turns it's back to us. Duo's screaming is heard as well as a loud WHACK, WHACK, WHACK.

Camera zooms over to the top of the ferris wheel. There sit Quatre and Dorothy. Dorothy is rocking the seat back and forth, while Quatre grips the rail with one hand, and her hand with the other. He turns to her.

Quatre: Dorothy… please… don't do that… 

Dorothy: Aw come on Quattie… I won't let you fall.

Quatre: (Holds his stomach) It's not that…

Dorothy: Oh… (Edges away from the slightly green Quatre then turns to the camera)

Dorothy: Satisfying baby, let me show you what I'm made of. (glances nervously at Quatre, who's turning more green)

The camera cuts to a small roller coaster. Sally and Wufei sit in the front car. Sally is having a great time screaming and waving her hands in the air. Wufei sits with his arms folded across his chest glaring at her. 

Wufei: Weak woman! THIS IS INJUSTICE… making me get on this STUPID ride and then having to hear you sc-

Sally: (Leans over and kisses Wufei mid sentence then pulls back)

Wufei: (Smiles dreamily)

Sally: No doubt about it, boy, you got me feeling crazy 

Cut to the very end of the fun house. (You know where they always have that spinning rotating thing that's kinda hard to get out of and you fall a lot) There stand, very shakily I might add, Relena and Heero. Their hands are intertwined as the walk unstably across the rotating tube at the end of the fun house. Sunddenly, Relena looses her footing, and falls over, dragging Heero down with her. She looks up at him and sings.

Relena: Can't get enough… (Relena jabs her palm on the camera lens.

All the girls: (Voice Over) Baby, Baby, Baby…

Scene changes to the carnival stage. All the girls are up there in a line doing a syncronized dance while singing.

All: Won't you come to me, baby, show me who you are. Sweet to me; like sugar to my heart. Ooh baby, I'm craving for you.

Relena does a full double turn and points out at Heero, who's in the crowd looking at his feet muttering. "I'm gunna kill you Candy."

Relena: I'm missing you like candy.

All the girls walk across the stage.

Hilde: You know who you are. (She points at Duo, who has a black eye and his arm in a sling)

Dorothy: Your love is as sweet as candy. (She points at a slightly pale, woozy… yet happy Quatre)

Sally: I'll be forever yours. (Winks at the still love struck Wufei)

Catherine: Love always, (Catherine points at a guy with a Bugs Bunny Suit on. Trowa smirks) 

All the girls say their names. 

The scene changes to everyone in a corvette, top back, speeding down the highway sitting next to their significant other. Heero's driving, with Relena riding shot gun. Dorothy is sitting on Quatre's lap in right backseat. Trowa and Catherine sit next to each other, scrunched in the left backseat, and smile slightly in a brotherly sisterly way. Hilde sits on Duo's lap in the middle seat in the back. Wufei and Sally sit on the top of the back seat, his arm around her as the wind hits them full blast.

All the girls: So baby, come to me, baby, show me who you are. Sweet to me; like sugar to my heart. Ooh baby, I'm craving for you. I'm missing you like candy

Relena turns to Heero.

Heero looks at Relena.

Relena: I'm craving for you. I'm missing you like candy.

They inch closer, and closer…

The music ends.

Duo: HEERO! A TREE!!!!

Heero: Wha? AAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

The camera pans up to the crecent moon.

Brake swerving, cursing, and sick moaning is heard.

Duo: (Voice Over) Everyone alive?

All: Yes.

Relena: (Voice Over) Next time, Heero, I drive.

THE END!!!!!!!!! 

Relena: Our cookies, Candy?

Candy: Oh yeah… they're over in that cage over there.

Everyone: (Walks over and into the cage)

Duo: THERE'S NO COOKIES HERE!

Candy: (Swings cage door shut) Sorry I ran out of mix… You'll get some later… just be good, and don't make noise.

Heero: Candy… I'm…

Candy: Oh hush Heero, it's been done. BYE EVERYONE! (Exits room and turns off lights)

Heero: I don't like her… 

THE END


	2. Default Chapter Title

AN:  
  
Candy: (Giggles insanely) I'm back with another FICCY!!!!!!!!!! (Runs over to Quatre and sits on his lap) Hee hee! HI!!!!!  
  
Quatre: (Blushes) Uh... Guys...? Heero? A little help?  
  
Heero: Mission accepted. (Walks over grabs Candy by the waist and sets her on the ground) What is wrong with you?  
  
Candy: (Covers mouth as she giggles) I- had some of Cathy's (Hiccups) RUM... cake... I think I'm a lil tipsy! (Hiccups and then giggles) RUM... RUH-M! (giggles)  
  
Trowa: Oh no... a drunk fan-fic writer... She's bad enough when she's sober.  
  
Candy: (Slurred) I think I gunna set ew up wit Middi UNNNNNNNNNNe Twowa!  
  
Trowa: Then again...   
  
Candy: (Sobbing on the floor and drunk) But tha means... no mow... sibwing jooookes... (Wails) Jokes... (giggles) JUH-OH-KE-S!  
  
Duo: Some one get her in a cold shower.  
  
Wufei: (Chucks Candy, clothes and all, into a freezing shower, runs out of the room and holds his ears)  
  
Candy: (From inside the shower) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! S***!!!!!! COLD COLD COLD!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs out of the shower dripping wet and glares at the Gundam pilots and glares) I WAS GUNNA BE NICE TODAY!!!! I WAS GUNNA LET YOU GW BOYS DO LEARN TO FLY BY THE FOO FIGHTERS! (Takes a breath and smiles evilly) But since you were so mean to me...   
  
All: Uh-Oh...  
  
Candy: THE BLOODHOUND GANG!  
  
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!  
  
  
Disclaimer: Ok sorry about that insanity, but I had to explain some reasoning for choosing this song.... well my real reasoning is, cuz its funny... nuff said. Bloodhound Gang owns: The Bad Touch... I don't own GW... And please... don't blame me for the pervy lyrics... But come on... just picture the GW boys singing this song... It's all fun not seirous so don't be mad @ me.   
  
  
  
MAKING THE VIDEO: EPISODE 2: THE BAD TOUCH  
  
Scene opens to the GWG sitting in desks in a normal school room. Teacher Noin stands at the front of the class, pointing to a teachers book. All of them are looking at similar books.   
  
Heero, wearing some Tommy Hilfigure jeans, and a black QUICKSILVER shirt with white writing on it, is looking away from his book and muttering "I'm gunna kill you Candy..."   
  
Relena, sitting beside Heero in the back row, wearing a powder pink RUSTY tank top with violet writing on it and jeans, is staring in shock and displeasure at the book, glancing occasionally at Heero, and then back to the book.  
  
Duo, sporting baggy jeans and a dark blue FUBU shirt with yellow writing, is looking at the book with wide eyes, and slack jaw. He turns to Hilde and smiles slyly.  
  
Hilde, wearing a baby blue tube top and black capri's stares at the book in horror. She turns to Duo, who's sitting beside her in the middle row, and notice's him leering at her chest. Hilde picks up her book and whacks Duo on the head while muttering "pervert."  
  
Wufei, wearing a red Chinese style shirt and baggy black jeans, is banging his head on the desk yelling, "Dishonor!" over and over again.   
  
Sally wearing a black collared button down shirt over a white tank top with jeans, stares at the book, shakes her head, and reaches into her back pack for some asprin.  
  
Trowa, wearing a dark green AE #3 tee shirt and khaki cargo's, has all his bangs in front of his face and occasionally peaks out from under them at the book, then hides in fear again.  
  
Catherine, wearing a lime green tube top, jean capri pants, and a jean jacket, looks at Trowa who in return looks at her. They both look at the book, shudder, and look back at each other. Trowa retches. Catherine glares at the camera.  
  
Catherine: OOOOOOOOOOH NO! NO F*CKIN WAY AM I GOING TO BE PAIRED WITH TROWA IN THIS MUSIC VIDEO! NO F*CKIN WAY!   
  
Candy: Catherine, come on it's not a-  
  
Catherine: FORGET THIS! NO WAY! (Storms out of the class room)  
  
Suddenly, screaming and a whacking sound is heard from the hallway.  
  
Midii Une, wearing a white halter-top with flare jeans, is pushed violently into the classroom and topples into the chair beside Trowa. She huffs, looks at the book, and screams, falling out of her seat. She sits back down and places her head in her arms.   
  
Midii: How do I get myself into these situations?  
  
Trowa looks at her and shrugs.  
  
Quatre, wearing a collared short sleeved yellow and blue plaid Abercrombie shirt over a white beater and khaki cargos looks at the book, then promptly passes out.   
  
Dorothy, sitting next to Quatre in the first row, looks at the fainted pilot. She's wearing a yellow tank top with the PAUL FRANK Giraffe in the middle, with tight boot cut jeans. She shakes her head and rubs her forehead with her thumb and index finger.   
  
Noin: (flustered) Well.... ha ha... uh... erm... we call this the act of mating. (sweat drops as she reads from the text) But there are several differences between animals and humans that... (eyes bug out and she face faults) should know about.  
  
Noin: (half concious, lying on the ground) Any comments? (passes out)  
  
Everyone excluding Quatre, who is out cold, looks around nervously. Heero glares at the camera.   
  
Heero: Candy there's no f*ckin way we're doing this.  
  
Candy: (holds up cookies) Oh yes you are.  
  
Duo: (drools) Cookies...  
  
Candy: (makes the cookies disappear) Do the music video and you'll get double.   
  
Duo: COOKIES!!!!!!! WE'RE IN!  
  
Quatre: (wakes up and dizzily stands with Dorothy's help.) Candy what kind of perverted music video is this?  
  
Dorothy: Something not good, obviously.  
  
Candy: It's the bloodhound gang... you know the guys in the monkey suits.  
  
Quatre: Monkey suits?  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE WOMAN!  
  
Candy: Yeah their album is called...  
  
Trowa: (shakes his head) Uh oh...  
  
Candy: Hooray for Boobies.  
  
Quatre: (pales) Hooray for... for... for... (Looks at Dorothy) For... for...  
  
Dorothy: Yes Quatre, its called Hooray for Boobies.  
  
Quatre: Oh! (passes out again)  
  
Candy: (shakes head and walks off stage)  
  
The music begins and the GW boys jump up on the teachers desk in the front of the room. Quatre is now revived and woozy. To their surprise as soon as they jump on the desk their normal clothes are gone and they are wearing...   
  
MONKEY SUITS!!!!!! COMPLETE WITH THE BIG EARS!!!!!!  
  
All the GW girl's mouth's drop wide open.  
  
Heero: (muttering) I'm gunna kill you Candy.  
  
Wufei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!  
  
The girls laugh and fall over.  
  
Trowa steps forward and glances at the TV screen in the back displaying the lyrics, and pales at what he sees.  
  
Trowa: (scared as hell, flustered, and slightly pissed) Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought. Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. (shudders and jumps under the teachers desk cowering, crying, and shivering at what he just sang)  
  
Midii stares up at him in shock and then proceeds to bang her head on her desk.  
  
Duo steps forward and squints at the TV. His jaw slacks at the lyrics. He glances at Hilde, who's drumming her fingers on her desk trying not to laugh at Duo's costume. He sweat drops, shoves his hands in the pockets of his monkey suit, and blushes.  
  
Duo: (blushing) So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.  
  
Hilde stops dumming her fingers. She doesn't move but her eyes get very wide and her eye brow twitches.  
  
Duo: (avoiding all eye contact) Yes, I'm Siskel,   
  
Trowa: (from under the desk, voice choked with sobs) Yes, I'm Ebert,  
  
Together: (both crying hysterically) And you're getting two thumbs up.  
  
Midii and Hilde exchange glances and hug each other in horror.  
  
Duo runs in the classroom closet and locks it. Loud sobbing is heard.  
  
Heero, scratching his arm pits like a monkey would, waddles up to the front of the desk. His eyes widen at the lyrics and he stops scratching his underarms. He glares at the camera.   
  
Heero: (monotonously with a hinge of anger) You've had enough of two-hand touch, you want it rough, you're out of bounds. (steps back, shakes head at the insanity of this, and shrugs at Relena.   
  
Relena: (jaw on the floor, hands over ears) AH! MY VIRGIN EARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (falls over and joins her jaw on the floor. Her body twitches violently in fear)  
  
Heero Jumps off the desk, runs over to the closet, pulls a hand gun out of his backpack, loads it and aims it at his head.  
  
Quatre steps up shyly. He plays with the pink ribbon tied around his neck. He looks at the lyrics and freezes up.  
  
Quatre: I- I- I- want you-- -- sm--- sm--- (eyes roll back in his head and he falls off the desk)   
  
(The real lyrics are: I want to you smothered, want you covered, like my Waffle House hash browns)  
  
Dorothy sighs and drags the unconcious Quatre over to his desk and fans him, muttering choice curses now and then.  
  
Wufei stands on the desk, arms folded. He sighs, knowing the lyrics and growls.  
  
Wufei: (through gritted teeth) Come quicker than Fed Ex, never reaching apex like Coca-Cola stock.   
  
Sally's eyes widen and she screams shrilly.  
  
Sally: THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wufei: (shakes head) What a weak song... GET OUT HERE YOU WOMEN AND DO THE DAMNED UNJUST PERFORMANCE SO WE CAN GET SOME COOKIES!  
  
Collective sweat drop.  
  
Heero drops his gun.  
  
Duo gets up from his fetal position in the closet.  
  
Quatre wakes up, once again.  
  
Trowa peaks out from under the desk.  
  
All the GW boys walk over to the front of the desk and sigh.  
  
Candy: CUT!!!  
  
All the GW boys: WHAT THE F-  
  
Candy: NO LANGUAGE! Here's some ah... drinks to help you with your performance.  
  
Heero: (glaring at Candy) She's trying to drug us.  
  
Candy: I'M NOT!!!!!!!!! DRINK UP! IT'S WATER!  
  
All the boys exchange glances and then drink up, accept for Quatre.  
  
They retch a moment and then become very relaxed.  
  
Wufei: (leering at the glass) DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! This is a pretty cup.... (giggles)  
  
Heero: I- I'm gunna (looks at hand) KILL YOU!!!!!!! HEE HEE HEE!  
  
Trowa: (jumping on various desks) I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD! WOO HOO HOO HOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Duo: (reaching out to Trowa) I'll NEVER LET GO JACK!!!!!!!!  
  
Duo and Trowa: (arms around one another, breaking into song) YOU'RE HERE! THERE'S NOOOOOOOOOOOTHING I FEAR!!!!!!! AND I KNOW THAT MY HEART WILL GO ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All the GW girls blink.  
  
Candy: Uh oh... they're quoting Titanic... I think I gave them too much. (glances at bottle labled: LSD and giggles nervously) BREAK!!  
  
TAKE 2! ACTION!  
  
All the GW boys walk over to the front of the desk with smiles on their faces. Trowa holds a sketchbook in his hand for some reason, and Duo has a big ass blue diamond necklace around the throat of his monkey costume.  
  
All (accept poor Quatre who stands there with a paled expression): (doing the "suck it" gesture) You are inclined to make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time.  
  
Wufei: (shaking his tailed booty) Do it now!  
  
Sally screams again.  
  
Sally: MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All (accept poor Quatre who is staring from the boys to Dorothy) You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  
  
Duo: (doing a really crappy cartwheel) Do it again now.  
  
Hilde lets go of Midii and bangs her head on the floor.  
  
Hilde: WHY ME? WHY ME? WHY ME?  
  
All (accept Quatre who is repeating "I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy," nervously over and over again) You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  
  
All the boys look at Quatre to say his solo.  
  
Quatre: G- get... get-  
  
Duo: SNAP OUT OF IT MAN! (shakes Quatre)  
  
Quatre: (nervously) Getting (voice squeaks) horny (voice goes back to normal) now.  
  
Candy runs on stage and shoves the drink down Quatre's throat, then runs off stage.   
  
Quatre looks petrified, then suddenly relaxed.  
  
Quatre: YOU JUMP I JUMP! RIGHT?  
  
All the girls are cowering in fear now. Noin is still unconcious. The girls run out of the room screaming in horror.  
  
The boys exchange glances, nod, and run out of the room.  
  
Cut to: The play ground outside.  
  
Relena sits on the side of the sandbox, hugging her knees, rocking back and forth whispering to herself.  
  
Relena: (still rocking) it will be all right, it will be all right...  
  
Midii sits on top of the tire tower twiddling her thumbs nervously.   
  
Midii: Must kill Candy... Must kill Candy...  
  
Dorothy sits on the swings. She rocks back and forth ghostly.  
  
Dorothy: Must get advil... must get advil...  
  
Sally's standing on the top of the slide. She's still...  
  
Sally: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Screaming...  
  
Hilde's huddled in a plastic Fisher Price house under the little table.  
  
Hilde: Need drugs... need drugs...  
  
The GW Monkey boys burst out the door.   
  
The girls all look, horrified, in their direction. And...  
  
The GW girls:  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Scream...  
  
The boys all jump on a nearby sea-saw and begin doing various monkey poses.  
  
All the boys: (puffing out their cheeks and pulling out their monkey ears) Love!   
  
Jumps off the sea-saw and runs over to the sand box and starts shimmying in front of a horrified Relena.  
  
Heero: The kind you clean up with a mop and bucket! Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it.  
  
Relena's eyes roll back into her head and a loud "thump" is heard as she hits the sand.  
  
Heero shrugs and continues busting a move.  
  
Duo jumps off the sea-saw and over to the little fisher price house Hilde is hiding in. He leans on the windowsill reaches over it, messing with Hilde's hair as if picking bugs out of it.  
  
Duo: (nonchalantly) Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific, I wanna be down in your South Seas! But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean, means "small craft  
advisory"  
  
Hilde sits there, frozen and petrified as Duo ravages her hair. Her face turns bright red and she bites Duo's hand.  
  
Duo: AH! Feisty!  
  
Quatre jumps off the sea-saw, more confident with the whole "mating" thing, and getting into the dance. He strides over to the swings and jumps on Dorothy's lap and places his head inbetween... well you've seen how monkeys are all touchy feely, you figure it out.  
  
Dorothy's eyebrow twitches and her eyes get all anime style buggy.  
  
Quatre: (slightly muffled) But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean, means "small craft advisory." So if I capsize in your thighs, high tide, B-5, you sunk my battle ship!  
  
Quatre stops nuzzling, pulls back, and pales at what he just said.  
  
Quatre: Miss Dorothy... I-  
  
Dorothy takes the swing beside her and smacks it with a loud crack over Quatre's head.  
  
Dorothy: PERVERT!  
  
Wufei jumps off the sea-saw and runs over to the still screaming Sally.  
  
Wufei: (frowning) WOMAN DON'T YOU NEED TO BREATHE???  
  
Sally just keeps screaming.  
  
Wufei: (clamping a hand over her mouth) Please turn me on, I'm Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip!  
  
Sally tries to get away from him, but looses her balance. They both go toppling down the slide.  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!  
  
Trowa jumps off the sea-saw and does an elaborate spinning leap up to the top of the tire tower.   
  
Midii reaches for her gun, but it gets knocked off the top.  
  
Trowa pounces on her.  
  
Trowa: So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time", you'll Lovett just like  
Lyle.  
  
Midii: MY GUN!! SOMEONE GET MY GUN!!!!!!!  
  
All the boys jump away from their partners, leaving them scarred for life, and over to the center of the play ground.  
  
All: And then we'll do it doggie style so we can both watch X-Files!  
  
Duo leaps forward, giving the V is for victory sign.  
  
Duo: Do it now  
  
Duo jumps back in the line and they all do the "Bad Touch" dance.  
  
All: You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  
  
Heero: Do it again now.  
  
All: You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.  
  
Quatre jumps forward and throws his arms outward.  
  
Quatre: Getting horny now!   
  
The music ends and the girls are all sitting in mute shock, staring at their boyfriends.  
  
Relena: Oh,  
  
Dorothy: My,  
  
All the girls: GOD!!!!!!!!  
  
They all walk to their boyfriends and smack their monkey hoods backwards.  
  
All: PERVERTS!!!!  
  
Each girl bonks their boyfriends on the head and leave the playground.  
  
Trowa: (muffled) Was it something we said?  
  
All the monkey GW pilots shrug.  
  
GW boys: Girls... go figure.  
  
THE END!  
  
Candy receives various glares from everyone.  
  
Heero: Candy... the cookies now...  
  
Candy: Well...  
  
Relean: Candy... give them to us... we just endured mental scarring.   
  
Duo: And you drugged us.  
  
Quatre: I can't believe we actually went through with that.  
  
Candy: (muttering to self) I cant believe I actually wrote that.  
  
Dorothy: Well its not your fault the lyrics are perverted...  
  
Candy: True.  
  
Trowa: Just your fault you chose that song.  
  
Wufei: The monkey suits were pure injustice.  
  
Sally: Give us the cookies, or I'll start screaming again.  
  
All: GIVE HER THE COOKIES DAMNIT!  
  
Candy: Ok OK! Here's your cookies! I wont write a songfic as yucky as this one for awhile ok? (throws the box at Sally) Sheesh!  
  
  



End file.
